Where to begin? That is a question that rocks my brain as I sit here, and think back on my life. In this blog I would like to share with you my story, and how my thorn in my flesh helps me to be able to help women, and the ability to relate to their struggles. Lets begin!
Most of my life growing up was picture perfect, I had amazing parents, two awesome brothers, and a pretty legit dog. We always had very special family traditions, and loved playing games and going camping together. I loved all of it, but I got comfortable. When I say comfortable, I mean very reliant on my parents. I loved having them to lean on, and I guess you can say I was very dependent on them. I was not being a confident woman in Christ, and I was very sensitive. If anybody said something to me sternly, or if I got embarrassed (which happened often) I would break down and cry. I was fragile, and secretly very insecure. I didn't like knowing I messed up, or wasn't liked. I was afraid of failure, and so I just kept beside my parents.
As a teenage I never wanted to date just to date, almost everyone around me was breaking up, then finding a new somebody within that week. I knew that wasn't for me, I took relationships seriously, and I had no desire to just give my heart away to the first boy that comes along. I had my first "boyfriend" when I was sixteen, and I thought I could trust him but come to find out he didn't want to be with me like I wanted to be with him. Like I said before, I was very sensitive and sixteen so naturally I overreact and thought it was the end of the world. During that time, I learned a lot about who I was, and who I wanted to be. God also brought into my life my best friend still to this day. We went to the same youth group, and she saw I was hurting and was there for me.
As you probably know, I grew up as a Missionaries Kid, we left the states when I was twelve, and would spend from January till September in Honduras, and from September till January back in Tennessee. Going back and forth was never easy for me, I hated saying goodbye. Looking back, saying goodbye has been my life. When I was seventeen, I started to really see how blessed I was to grow up on the mission field and see how powerful and faithful God is. I started to truly realize how passionate I was to lead and help girls be the confident women God want them to be. I desired to see them KNOW how beautiful, special, and loved they are. That flame to help women has never faded.
When I turned eighteen, I decided it was time to try and separate from my parents and go on a long summer retreat with a college ministry and work at Dollywood in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. That is when everything started to go down hill, and where my life changed forever. Like I said before, I was very attached to my parents, so leaving them stressed me out to the max. I started noticing things that were abnormal for me, I started overly caring about what others thought, I felt small in a huge world, very depressed, and not content with who I was and where I was. I did not know what was wrong with me, I just felt very alone. Well, as planned I left to leave for the summer, and I will never forget having to say goodbye.
During that summer, I experienced a lot of heartache, crying, and doubts. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I had never been that kind of girl before. A girl who doubted everything, and yes I was sensitive but never to this extent. I felt like I was in a dark pit and no matter what I did I couldn't get out. My relationship with the Lord, was nonexistent, I really had zero faith. My mind played tricks on me, and made me think God wasn't real, and you were crazy for believing so. I was overwhelmed, and alone. I had nobody to talk to, nobody to understand what I was struggling with. I didn't even know something was wrong with me, I just knew I had a daily battle with my mind and emotions. When that summer was over, I left to go back to Honduras, and I think I cried on my moms shoulder every chance I had got, we both did not know what to do.
Skipping to when I was twenty, suffering with these symptoms for almost three years, was the hardest years of my life. I went to the doctor, had blood work done, he said everything was fine and normal. I was convinced that something was terribly wrong, I was never speaking, never smiling, never leaving my room, and if you know me that's very abnormal. I remember the day when I was sitting in the car with my parents and my mom looked at me and all she could see was depression, and darkness. She said to my dad, we have to do something! So, my mom being the angel that she is, took me to a hormone doctor that she knew of. Walking into mrs. Rhondas office(who is still my hormones doctor to this day), and talking to her about what I had been struggling with, and thinking. We told her we did not think that a girl as young as I was could get hormonally imbalanced, but she looked at me and said "Honey, I have girls as young as fifteen years old, coming in here ready to commit suicide, because their hormones are so off" and when I heard that I saw a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. I thought maybe I'm not crazy, and their is something wrong with me. So, we immediately took action, and took a hormone test, and the result were frightening. I did struggle with hormone imbalance, which it felt good to know the cause.
I started all my hormone replacements, and after two to three weeks had passed I started feeling normal again, I remember walking outside and enjoying the sunshine and not being overcome by depression. It started getting better and better, and I started feeling like myself again. Like I wanted to dance just to be silly, and laugh so hard that you started crying. I realized in that moment, that I never want somebody to go through what I went through.
My desire today, is to help women recognize hormone imbalance is a very real thing. Whether they ever struggle with it or not, it is very important to know that it could happen and to help those who are struggling. I also strongly desire to grow women in their self-confidence, and strength. I know how hard it is to be confident in oneself, and I would love to see the women of Honduras be women of dignity, strength, and of God.
My whole life, I could feel God laying it on my heart to help women, to be that woman that I needed so badly when I was so bad off. I always knew I was going to have a woman's ministry of some sort, I honestly never imagined it being in Honduras. Honduras has always had a very special place in my heart, but never thought I would move back.
This past summer God opened the doors and made a way for me to be able to work in Honduras with my parents. After living on my own in the states for the past two years, I was very excited and nervous about this new chapter in my life, and did not know where God would take me. About the second week I was in Honduras, my mom asked if I would start leading a woman's Bible study at one of our Ignite churches. Naturally, I was very excited about the opportunity and said yes! I started praying about what I wanted the study to be, and I felt the Lord leading me towards Identity in Christ. Leading a Bible study fully in spanish is not easy, and pretty scary. I grew some very strong friendships with these ladies, and it was overwhelming to experience them coming to me about their issues, and fears. I will never forget this as long as I live, but as the series was coming to a close, one of the ladies from the Bible study came to me and desired to talk. We walked over to an area where nobody could hear what she desired to talk about. This sweet Honduran lady looked me in the eyes and said "Morgan, you have changed my life, I see how God sees me now, and I thank you so much for that, and I want you to come back and speak to our younger ladies also." Those words "You changed my life" hit me so hard, and it was all I could do to not cry. God was using me and speaking through me to these ladies, in more ways than I could ever do. I also experienced several women who struggle with hormone imbalance but have no means or connections to get it taken care of. That is why I have a desire to introduce these issues to the women of Honduras and help them, and give them hope. God showed me so many things I could go on and on, but I pray you see my heart and you see the need these ladies have. I know God has called me to Honduras, and I know God has called me to lead and love on these broken women. I know this was a lot to read, but I pray it touched your life in some way.
I am currently back in the States and trying to raise support to be able to go back to Honduras and continue to lead that same Bible study, and grow stronger relationships with those women, and if the Lord wills it go from one ladies Bible study to having a Bible study in several different villages. Eventually I will start teaching and encouraging those ladies to go out and make disciples of their own and lead a Bible study. God says go and make disciples, and that is exactly what I plan to do. This is my heart, and passion, I hope you see the need as much as I do, and I thank you for taking the time to read this. Have a blessed day! I
If you care to support me in anyway, or just want to talk please email me at morganfeazel@gmail.com
Morgan Feazel
Ignite Missions
Honduras Number- 615-257-1206
States Number-615-281-7117
Donation Mailing Address- P.O. Box 2038, Mt. Juliet, TN 37121
